The boyfriend who won’t take no for an answer…

Relationships are hard. They are not the funny scenes  we see in the movies.  They take communication and work.  The best ones come down to simple basics. Relationships are about two people getting alone.  Relationships don’t always work out and that in and of itself can be very emotional.  A large portion of what of what a private investigator does for a living comes from relationships that didn’t work out.  Have you ever had a boyfriend who could not take “no” for an answer?

Even though it’s not easy to do, say no.

Our society tells girls to let boys down easy. Movies and songs convey the message: “Don’t take no for an answer, ask again; and then keep going until you get the girl of your dreams.”

That is not the way the world works , in cases of unwanted pursuit, these messages reinforce the negative behavior. In dealing with unwanted attention and uninvited pursuit, no must be the only message and the only answer.

Anything less than a clear “no” leaves the door open and encourages further contact. To a stalker, messages like, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” sound like an invitation to stay around and keep trying because there is a chance. A message like, “I still like you as a friend,” establishes that a relationship does exist; just not the relationship that the pursuer wants.

Negotiating with someone  who makes you feel uncomfortable grants him some further contact and the expectation of a continuing relationship. When dealing with people like this, it is often said to engage is to enrage.

When breaking off any relationship, always remember that you are the expert. If you feel uncomfortable or scared, tell someone and get help.  There are people who will listen and help.

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