Many times people find themselves in relationships that seem “okay” or they believe that everything “is just about perfect” – when actually they have no idea just how unhealthy or abusive their relationship really is.
If you find yourself questioning your relationship there may indeed be some underlying reason. At times it may seem that you are simply self-doubting yourself. Self-doubt happens to everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. However, if your self-doubts are spring-up because of the way you are begin treated by your partner then you may have reasons to be concerned, as it may be signs of abuse.
Many times people want to be in a relationship “so bad” that they will tolerate unhealthy and emotionally damaging abuse by their partner. The abuse doesn’t necessarily mean physical abuse either. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging, if not more. Emotional abuse can shatter an individuals self-esteem and their value system – the way they see themselves.
In some cases, an individual may be afraid to speak up, fearing their partner will leave them and they feel emotionally paralyzed to be alone. But that doesn’t have to be the case. There is no reason for physical abuse to be tolerated, and the same hold true to emotional abuse.
As a private investigator, I often get involved in the end of relationships. When one person decides to get their life back on track by ending how they have been treated and moving on to a healthy environment. Sadly at times , leaving means get the person to an abuse shelter for safety reasons and personal protection. Sometimes it means helping them find a lawyer so they can get what they need in the legal system. As a private investigator, I find the answers and information they need to move forward.
Here is a list of warning signs I often see and hear about when looking into bad relationships. They show examples that you may be in an unhealthy and abusive relationship and that in some way your partner is being abusive to you – mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually and financially:
“Remember you have the right to your own self respect. You can refuse to be treated certain ways.” Does this describe your Marriage or relationship?
Your partner is self-centered, rude or inconsiderate when they:
… Always expects you to answer the door or telephone.
… Always wants you to drop everything while you are “being summoned.”
… Is adamant about talking to you while you are busy – while you are trying to watch television or trying to read.
… Constantly interrupts people and makes them feel unwelcome and uncomfortable in your home.
… Refuses to turn down the television or radio while you are on the phone or while other people are visiting or talking.
… Becomes angry, agitated, distant and completely unapologetic when their rude behavior is pointed out.
… Refuses to go outside to smoke when they know it bothers you and others.
Your partner is jealous of time you spend with family and friends and the help you give others when they:
… Become easily agitated and angry for spending “too much time” with friends, family, or children.
… Tell you it’s always “a bad time” for you or for them to talk to family members on the phone.
… Feel that giving help, time and energy is “wasted” if given to children.
… Become infuriated when you do favors for family and friends or give them things.
… Would rather have you throw something away than give it to someone in need.
Your partner feels threatened or is completely shut down when it comes to your personal goals, dreams, and desires when they:
… They tell you or imply that your personal interests take up too much time.
… Believes that your personal interests and hobbies are stupid, boring, pointless, a waste of time, and/or inferior to their own.
… Is dead set against accompanying you and refuses to attend any function or event that interests you.
… Causes drama and picks a fight before an event that is important to you.
Your partner does not respect your right to make your own decisions when they:
… Insinuate that whatever you think of feel always “affects them” and therefore you should not make a decision and that it must always be a “joint” decision.
… Cause a fight and get agitated or tell you they are disappointed in you when you don’t take their advice.
… Constantly humiliate, criticize or question whatever you do if you make a decision without their input or approval.
Your partner considers their own logic or intellect to be far superior to anyone else (including your own) when they:
… Insists that their way is the “only way.”
… Claims that their arguments are based on logic or sound evidence and that yours are stupid and emotionally based.
… Refuses to recognize or places no value on decisions made based on feelings or intuition.
… Believes that only their opinion counts and that any opinion you have is invalid, illogical, hysterical, or selfish.
… Will not listen and are completely intolerant of any criticism of their own behavior.
… Believe everyone around them – including their employer and/or employees – are all defective somehow.
… Always considers your friends to be incompetent fools and idiots.
Your partner is extremely opinionated and critical of others when they:
… Are either racist or sexist – or both.
… Are critical about other people and their behavior.
… Are completely unable to listen to opinions that differ from their own.
… Always has a double standards for their behavior.
… Are obnoxious and rude to your friends and family.
… Dislikes your family and tries to put a wedge between you and them.
Your partner always has “trouble” at work:
… They can not hold steady employment or change jobs frequently.
… Rationalizes that they are always the victim in employment setbacks.
… Believes that their boss is “out to get them” and treats them poorly.
… Believes that their coworkers are “out to get them” and are secretly working against them.
Your partner disregards laws or social customs that interfere with their own personal goals or pleasure when they:
… Refuse to follow family or religious customs.
… Feels there is no point in observing holidays and that gift giving is frivolous and for “losers.”
… Fell that anyone who works hard for a living are “idiots and suckers.”
… Are scornful of the government or the “system.”
… Use illegal drugs and don’t want to hear about it.
Your partner is very concerned about their “public image” when they:
… Throw a fit and easily gets angry if they think you made them look bad in front of others.
… Become another person in public.
… Treat you better in front of their friends or strangers.
… Treats you better in public than in private.
… Brag about you or your accomplishments to others, but rarely if ever pay you a compliment in person.
Your partner attempts to make you jealous or insecure when they:
… Constantly threaten to leave you.
… Insinuate they have other lovers waiting in the wings.
… Measure you up to previous lovers.
… Constantly tell you how good you have it with them and that no one will ever care about you the way they do.
Your partner is jealous and suspicious when they:
… Always accuses you of infidelity or having someone else on the side.
… Always tell you that friends of the opposite sex are trying to seduce you and take you away.
… Puts you down by saying the only way you got your job is because of your looks.
… Refuses to let you do anything on your own because you might meet someone else there.
Your partner rushes the relationship when they:
… Insist and pressures you that you must live together
… Insist and tries to pressure you into have sex before you are ready.
… Propose marriage too early in the relationship.
Your partner does not respect your privacy when they:
… Listen in on your private phone calls.
… Check the calls you make on your cell phone.
… Reads your diary or journal.
… Opens your mail.
… Break into your email account.
Your partner manipulates you and others to achieve their goals when they:
… Try to use guilt trips to make you feel bad about yourself.
… Do questionable things that are illegal or dishonest.
… Try to get you to do or say things that you are not comfortable with.
… Says they will either kill themselves or you if you don’t do as they say.
… Bullies you until you agree with them.
Your partner is intolerant of children or animals when they:
… Refuse to change or feed the baby.
… Refuse to have pets or children in the home because of the mess or inconvenience.
… Treat their own children better than their step-children.
… Believe children don’t deserve the level of respect or support as adults.
… Are cruel to animals.
Your partner insists that only THEY are the victim in the relationship when they:
… Mirror a situation and say that you are being selfish, rude, self-centered, uncooperative and more, when they are exhibiting that behavior themselves towards you and others.
… Insist they are trying to keep things together but that you are undermining the relationship.
… Threaten suicide or to kill you if you say you are leaving them.
Your partners ignores other peoples feeling and needs when they:
… Insist on eating fast food for dinner while you are on a diet.
… Blares the television when they know you have a headache.
… Insist on eating spicy food when you have an upset stomach.
… Insists that you must help with chores when you are feeling sick.
Your partner takes no personal responsibility when they:
… Blame others for problems.
… Deny saying or doing hurtful things.
… Refuse to apologize for bad behavior.
… Apologize, but then continue to repeat the same hurtful behavior.
… Avoid duties, obligations, and debts and try to make them YOUR responsibility.
“Some relationships are like living in a house that is on fire. There is a point when you know you have to get out before you die.”